It's been bugging me. How should I start. 

So a lot of things happened for these two, three weeks. Actually maybe not a lot of things, but things that happened within these couple weeks are all significant items. It's been a very, very depressing time. I know during this time, I have affected the ones that are around the emotional me. I am deeply sorry. I don't think I can ever get used to a situation like this. Very sadly to say, and we all know it from the beginning, it is part of a life cycle. This triggered my endless pondering for the past couple weeks...

"Every beginning has an end." 

Why do we spend all of our lives trying to make things perfect, work things out, compromise situations, when all in the end, it comes nothing but dust. We work hard, learn hard, love hard, and in the end, we get hurt really hard. It's like you build a perfect scenario, tell a perfect story, everyone is smiling - and then you close the book, and burn it, literally. There is not a word to describe the hatred I have for the crematorium.

This is an 'experience' that I should note down for myself. I need to note every part of this pain, remember all the crying faces, practice it, so it will be more 'normal' when it is my turn - because those days will come. One day, I will lose all of my loved ones. And by then, no matter how smart you were in school, how hard you've worked to make money, how much stress you have came through to maintain living life; there is nothing you can do to create that perfect picture where those people will leave never you. As soon as it happens, you will never be able to touch or feel them again, you will never be able to argue or talk to them again, and that is ever ever. There is absolutely nothing you can do except gazing upon some random shining stars.

What's the point of putting my money in investments to fight inflation, when you, yourself, will deflate in the end? My money is happy in its chequeing account.

Just 'whatever'. 

..